34 More People On The Funniest One-Liner They’ve Ever Heard Or Read

Thought Catalog

mitch

Found on AskReddit.

1. rickfinkel

Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time. -Demetri Martin

2. philosophicalpimp

What is worse than ants in your pants? Uncles

3. UNC_Samurai

I’ve moved past threesomes. I’m now into foursomes. If someone backs out, then you’ve still got a threesome. If two people back out, you’re still having sex.

~ Gregory House

4. ipoopedonachair

When I was a boy, I laid in my twin sized bed and wondered where my brother was. – Mitch Hedberg

5. Baczeck

It’s sad that a family can be torn apart by something as simple as wild dogs

-Jack Handey

6. BaconRabbit

I don’t have a girlfriend, but I know a girl that would get really mad if she heard me say that

7. no_frikkin_clue

My drug test came back negative. My dealer sure has some explaining to do.

8. Reference_Dude

“I…

View original post 476 more words

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s